Hi Margaret, the insecure version of my present.
I can feel what is seeping through your bones right now. I know how hard you try to seize your tears when the worst thing hits you like a bullet shot your heart. I even saw how your face reddened while clutching your jaws tight to keep from screaming. Yes, the end of high school years are sucking your blood, as you solemnly fall down on the ground like a dust in the air. But be strong, because you are forced to embrace the avalanches of difficulty like they’re a bunch of fragrant flowers. Did they laugh at you today? Did they savagely tear up the lovely book you used to read in class to drift into your world? Oh, what melancholy. Don’t sit like you’re too weak to fend for yourself against bullying. Stand up and look at their eyes until they get uncomfortable. Speak up.
Believe me, if you don’t attempt to defend yourself now, then here, in the future, there will be someone else who gains control over you. Without realizing it, you will give your freedom away to anyone who does not even deserve an ounce of it. Please tell me why you still hang depressive and suicidal pictures on your walls? Why do you look up on them every night, convincing yourself that they describe the way you are?
Let me remind you of one thing which might have wiped off your mind. You know Theodore Finch from All the Bright Places? Could you remember what he did in the closet with Violet? They cut the depressive words out of the book and let it be free from the unworthy words. He painted his room and ceiling into the bright colors because… he wanted A PROFOUND CHANGE. But your room still looks dreary and rugged in the color of grey. The dust on the shelves and windowsill make your lovely place look like an old castle. You said you love Finch so much, but you don’t follow his trail to reach a magical destination called CHANGE. Do you know why? Because you’re too busy showing yourself as fragile, because you still expect others to help you. I should invoke a simple rule for you: No one can save you in the battle against your depression but you.
Change everything that drags you down the deepest hole of low self-esteem. I urge you to do this because I can see how beautiful your future will be if you fix a positive look to life. Believe me, your future years are snowed under happiness and adventure. You know, I’m proud of you because no matter how depressed you are, you have a clear imagination and reachable goals in your mind. Simply, you tucked them back in the back of your memory. The cleavage in your creative working and the virtue of your knowledge are hidden somewhere in you. Because you might fear if you reveal them, you will be buried under a gleeful laughter.
Darling, don’t be afraid; I’m here with you. Envision me with every detail, and I’ll be more clear in front of you. Keep in mind, high school is not a lifetime prison. You’ve the brightest life that even shimmers in your eyes afterward. DO NOT let that light fade under the shadow of your high school. Some months left and then “you are off to adventures,” as Finch says. Feeling excited? So, come on, remove the pictures off your wall and paint your room in the colors of sunshine and blue sky. Read books always and everywhere, in a coffee shop, library, or at home. Keep an open mind with strangers and set a new, beneficial, and pleasant relationship with people who look “right.” Believe in your future version and succeed in your desired field. Move forward with strong confidence to a place where you are meant to be.
Your future Margaret
Ozoda is an 18-year-old from Uzbekistan. She is an amateur writer in the huge world of literature, and she loves drawing and biking while the sun is setting. She strongly believes that déjà vu is a sign of the past or sometimes short blinks of the future. Most of her stories were created regarding déjà vu.