Learning to Love Myself in 206 Languages by Nicole Deardorff

amanda mabel sun dance
Photo courtesy of Amanda Mabel

There are days
when I still feel
like misplaced bones
when I stand in front
of the mirror
wanting to see
all angles and hollows

days when I swear
I will fast until even
my marrow cries out
and my body feels as
light and foggy
as my head

On these days,
I name every bone
in my body ‘love’
in a different language
I donate my mirror
to a carnival, tell them
I must have bought a
fun-house mirror by mistake

these days,
I eat each meal
with a friend, have
them stay with me
afterward to make sure
I don’t stick a finger
down my throat

these days,
I fall asleep
repeating ‘love’
in 206 languages

 

 

 

 

Nicole DeardorffNicole Deardorff is a 19-year-old queer actor, dancer, and writer. She began writing poetry as a way to stay sane. She isn’t sure how well that has worked, but she is at least still alive. Her writing has won multiple awards from Scholastic Art and Writing Competition, the most notable of which is a National Silver Metal in 2014. In 2013 she won the First Annual Mudsock Poetry Slam, and her poetry was recently featured on the online magazine Twenty-One Pearls. Check out more of her work at thewingedones.tumblr.com.

Amanda Mabel is a fashion and portrait photographer living in Sydney, Australia. Originally from Singapore, she moved to Perth in 2011, then Sydney in 2012. She is currently studying a Bachelor of Arts (Advanced) (Honours) at the University of Sydney. In her free time, she loves taking photographs, travelling to beautiful places, and drinking tea. She also happens to blog for Vogue Australia Spy Style. She maintains a website at www.amandamabel.com and can be found on:  Instagram  Facebook  LinkedIn  Pinterest  Tumblr  Bloglovin Flickr.

Germ Magazine guest author
… is a contributing guest author for Germ, which means the following criteria (and then some) have been met: possessor of a fresh, original voice; creator of fresh, original content; genius storyteller; superlative speller; fantastic dancer; expert joke teller; handy with a toolbox; brilliant at parties; loves us as much as we love them.

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