Query: 

Dear Lara,

My name is Mary. I stumbled upon Germ Magazine while checking the reviews and website for All the Bright Places book, and I frankly think this website/blog is really cool.

I really enjoy every part of this website, and I always take notes!!

My question is simple, yet needs the right words to be elaborated, so I will give it a shot now!

What would you do if your best friend tries anything and everything to be like you?

When I say “to be like you,” it is “to wear like you, to use the same words you use, to read what you read as in books, articles…etc., to travel to the same places you’ve visited before, to actually imitate you, to get a notebook for her mental notes and feelings instead of using Notes on the telephone just like you, to get shirts like yours but with different colors, to make you her preferred number and call you every day after her working hours.”

I love her, so much, and I know she loves me too, but it is getting too suffocating, and sometimes I just feel I want to tell her, wake her up: “Hello!! You’re a copy of me.” And I don’t know if I am overthinking about it or maybe exaggerating, but even some of my friends gave me the remark that we are very much alike, in EVERYTHING!

I decided to send you this email and ask you, taking advantage of you not knowing who I am nor who she is. I did not want to ask my friends because they will have a subjective opinion and will ask me to stop talking to her, and I honestly don’t want to lose her, but just to make some sense in her.

Thank you, Lara!

I hope you can help.

–M

 

Response:

Hi, Mary!!

Thank you SO much for checking out our site and finding my little corner. I love when readers write in with questions. It makes me so happy.

Well, Mary, first off I want to say I have been in the same exact position as you and I know how frustrating it can be. Everyone should be their own person, and unoriginality isn’t exactly the best. That being said, maybe you can take this emulating as a form of flattery. Sometimes when someone is unsure of who they are, they latch on to the person they want to be the most like, and for your friend, that’s you. She admires you, and for her you are the trendsetter.

Now, to get her to “find herself,” you can tell her that you want to spend a day doing exactly what she wants. You’ll say that it’s her day and you have no say. This way she and you can get an idea of what her interests are aside from you.

Either way, I assure you she will eventually find herself and be independent of you, and as her friend you can help her through it.

You sound like a very sweet person who is just in a tricky situation, but I know it will eventually work out.

I really hope this helps! Let me know if you have anymore questions.

Best,
Lara