The Aftermath by Sania Mushtaq

When things get bad, we run towards the airport in our dreams but wake up before we catch our flights.

When things get bad, I start wearing pink to look less destroyed,

I start sleeping with lights on but nightmares still don’t stop.

I start wearing a darker shade of red and kissing more men that won’t care to know my last name.

I stop them when they want something more.

I text reckless ( read : Honest ) messages and laugh with mouth full of blood cause I know I won’t get a reply.

I choose cheap vodka over champagne and smile pretty. That’s the only thing that gets people to stick around before they realize they don’t want to.

I read old texts and cry over the basin. I want to throw up at the thought of thinking someone else will know me the way he does. I scatter glitter and razors all around my room. The aftermath is full of hurt but I’ll make sure it’s glorious. Like a car accident, the shards of glass just before they pierce through. That moment when everything is spectacular and you can’t look away. All grand. And then there is a blackout.

If I was more brave I would have probably screamed

I NEVER WANTED YOU TO FIX ME, I JUST WANTED YOU TO STAY.

But I’m not so I settle for margaritas and unreturned phone calls.

 

Sania Mushtaq
Sania Mushtaq is a 17-year-old med student in England with a self-proclaimed Taylor Swift obsession. She loves poetry, nostalgia, and everything that tastes like bitter coffee and strawberry. She is always up for debates and long drives. If you find her smiling on the roadside, she's probably thinking about dogs and sunshine. She hopes to publish her first chapbook next year. 

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