Time Stopped, but It Will Continue

Dear Future Me,

You have been through a lot, there is no denying that. Do you deserve better? Yeah, you would like to think so. But is it true? Yeah, you believe everyone deserves better. How have you changed? How have you grown stronger? How have you accepted the past and learned from it? I want you to realize, to understand, that everyone is an hourglass. When we are born, that hourglass flips, and the sand starts trickling down with our first breath. As life passes, the particles of sand gradually build up. As more sand gathers on the bottom, less sand is stable at the top. It will all come down whether you are ready or not. When that last grain of sand drops to the bottom, this life will only be survived in pictures and memories, belongings and feelings. The demand to live your life to the fullest is an understatement. It is a necessity. I know you have had trouble with that in the past, but nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. Do not get lost in the attempt to be someone that you are not. There is no rule that says you have to please everyone else and meet those unrealistic expectations of society. There is more to you than you think there is.

Self-confidence is a beautiful thing, and I know that as you wrote this, you did not feel worthy of self-love or confidence. You rarely felt good enough for anyone or anything. The company of the moon and the stars, the roaring of thunder and the cries of rain, the comfort of your room lingering with books was enough for you then. I hope that is not enough for you now. I can only wish that you have finally found a sense of freedom and worth. You are more than anything the cold, dark past had to offer, and you are more than any future troubles. I hope that you learned from your mistakes and your nights spent crying into your pillows and the days spent watching hours of television shows. I hope you learned something from Theodore Finch and Violet Markey. I hope that you did not forget what it means to be an independent person and that it is perfectly acceptable to get lost sometimes. Just make sure you find yourself before it is too late.

You have a big heart that throbs with compassion and a mind that has a growing love for words and writing. I hope that your heart only got larger and that your mind has learned more beautifully, poetic words and phrases. Here is one for you now; you wrote it about that wonderful feeling of love: Your head spins with that infectious feeling. It lifts you off your feet and sends you gliding into the clouds. And when you come hurdling back down, it will be waiting to catch you. Without protest.

I hope that sadness is not the only thing that eats at your brain and that you have a million reasons to wake up every morning and let the sun kiss your face with ease and elegance. Everyone may still think that you are cold and distant, but do not let that stop you. You are a free spirit, and I have faith that you are still a warm soul to call a friend.

 

Love,

Me
17 years old

 

 

Camilla Beutel is 17 years old and lives in Bergen County in the United States. She has loved writing as far back as she can remember and watches an endless amount of television shows in her free time. She plans to go to college for journalism and hopes to accomplish things in the writing field in the future. Her love for dogs, music, and stargazing is infectious. All the Bright Places changed her perspective of so many things, and of course she has Jennifer Niven to thank for that.

Germ Magazine guest author
… is a contributing guest author for Germ, which means the following criteria (and then some) have been met: possessor of a fresh, original voice; creator of fresh, original content; genius storyteller; superlative speller; fantastic dancer; expert joke teller; handy with a toolbox; brilliant at parties; loves us as much as we love them.

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