Without You by Rita Smith

Without you, I do not know the type of person I would be today. At times, my mind disconnects from reality and my thoughts venture to deep dark realms of the universe. I find you in these realms and we try to decipher the true meaning of life. Everyday I am thankful that I have someone to discuss the monsters and angels that rupture within my spirit. We were not like the other children because we saw everything as an adventure, challenge, and a way to escape.

Without you, I would not be as knowledgeable as I am today with music, movies, and books. You were so deep and philosophical as a child. You were this beautiful enigma, and I was ecstatic to find someone as brooding as you. This was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. While other children were speaking of nonsense, you and I would let our minds venture to the countrysides of England, Paris, and Rome, dancing with the locals and drunk on happiness. Our minds wondered to the distant future.  The meaning of love, hate, death, and life plagued our adolescent minds on a nightly basis. I do not know what made us feel everything so very deeply, but we did and we still do. I have only come across a handful of minds as beautiful and complex as yours.

Without you, the nights as children that were spent on sugar, music, and dreams would have never existed. Constantly we ran away from reality trying to continually escape the cold world we were a part of. We ran so far away that by morning we did not have energy. Once the sun went down, we were alive until the sun rose. Without sleep we would walk the halls of junior high like zombies, but in reality, everyone surrounding us were dead… or at least that is how we saw them. Children with no souls, futures, or moral compasses. We were happy in our own world.

Without you, the seasons would never have meaning. Summers were filled with angst in air conditioned rooms. Autumn brought color to our souls and our hearts. I can remember drinking hot chocolate and watching some random independent movie you found on IFC and discussing the meaning of life at thirteen years old. What was the meaning of life then? Have we figured it out yet? Winters, my favorite time of the year, brought a cold and calming feeling to my body. We were in awe of being at my mother’s house and stepping outside and it being so quiet… not a soul outside nor car. It felt like being in a strange twilight zone, yet beautiful. Springs were a bleak affair, although we loved the bright colors that the winters had robbed, there was something depressing about it not being dark anymore. At times, I felt more alive in the dead of the winter than the brightest part of spring. The winters were the times of our best writings, our best ideas, and our best conversations. There was something about the chills that our creative minds thrived off of.

Without you, I would not be as happy as I am right now. You are such an important ingredient in my recipe of life. And I cannot wait until our kids grow and evolve into wild, passionate, and captivating creatures like we are.

I honest to God do not know what I would do without you.

I love you.


Rita Smith
Rita Smith is a model, writer, and aspiring actress based out of Atlanta, Georgia. Her style is best described as aphotic, romantic, and alluring. Her inspirations stem from talents such as British singer-songwriter Sampha, dystopian surrealist painter Zdzsisław Beksiński, and 18th century drama writer Oscar Wilde.



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