Dear 16-Year-Old Self

Dear 16-year-old self,

 

How are you holding up? Stupid question, isn’t it? I know you feel like the burning’s excruciating. I know you feel like a meteorite burning. I know that you want to escape badly, to somewhere far away, where nobody could find you. There, you imagine writing your poignant poems and prose and spending too much time walking, listening to jazz, or reading, until you decide to surrender to the void, eventually. But you know what? There’s more to that black hole, to those burns. I know I sound stupid and you’d probably tell me to f*** off, but trust me, because I know. You will mold into something great. You will mold into a free being — so free that Lot’s wife would be proud of you for embracing your humanness. Nietzsche might even applaud you if he weren’t such a douchebag. All that sharpness will melt into soft curves, but don’t worry, that terrifying charm will still stay with you. You’ll just be a step closer to what — where you want to be, only calmer and more serene this time.

Storm, hold on to that fire. Hold on to that anger. You haven’t realized it yet, but those red lines become your lifeline. So don’t be afraid when the fire has gone out, okay? Don’t be afraid of the lighter shade. Try to look, even the light burns your eyes. You might find something magnificent behind all that lightness.

Storm, learn how to let go. You will meet people whose hands — when they touch you — will sting you. But let them anyway. Because those fresh wounds that they will leave will be the core of your art later. You will learn a lot. Oh, you will learn a lot. So be patient and pay attention to the little things more. Just like Agent Cooper would at ducks swimming at a lake.

Storm, you’re still a storm. Only with soft edges this time. Not all people you meet will have hands that sting. You will meet people whose hands are badly bruised too, but they are the ones who have the gentlest touch. You will learn that those who have undergone so much suffering are the ones who are the kindest, who are the most understandable. All the tension will fade, and your dark will slide into a lighter shade. You will be closer, closer although you still have a long way to go. Just remember that genuineness and sincerity are your keys to everything. It’s always not as bad as you think it will be. So just continue swaying, continue threading the earth barefoot, sleeves pulled up to your elbows, palms turned upward.

 

 

 

Myrtle Yvonne RagubMyrtle Yvonne Ragub
18
Philippines
Germ Magazine guest author
… is a contributing guest author for Germ, which means the following criteria (and then some) have been met: possessor of a fresh, original voice; creator of fresh, original content; genius storyteller; superlative speller; fantastic dancer; expert joke teller; handy with a toolbox; brilliant at parties; loves us as much as we love them.

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