Euphoria by Erica

The following was written for Germ's May Writing Challenge.

What is love?

Google defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Yahoo claims it to be “a strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from kinship or close friendship”. Wikipedia identifies it as “a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure”. What is love? What is the name of the feeling that curls toes, sparks flames, and tints cheeks from talking to the opposite sex? Love just isn’t affection. Love is euphoria.

It’s the way that I’m so invested in you, that I forgot that I left everyone else behind. Love is the feeling I have right now in this single split moment. Love is the weird feeling I feel in my chest wondering what would happen… if we happened.

Love is wearing the flannel you gave me and smelling your cologne. It’s the shy smiles and the times you cross your eyes, trying to look goofy to assume me. It’s the way you sing to me when you are surrounded by people that you could sing to instead. It’s the way you always seem to end up next to me when you could be next to anyone else. It’s the way you always give me a high five, or a hug, or a fleeting wave, always acknowledging the fact that I am there when no one else notices. It’s the way I just want to grab your hands and pull you in and scream how much you drive me crazy. I want to dance with you, and laugh with you, and be with you. I just want… you.

I want this to be my secret. No one knows how I feel because for the first time I want to keep you mine. You’re too much for me to comprehend. If I can’t understand you, I want to learn how to…. I want you all to myself. Wait no… that’s stupid and I sound selfish, but that’s just how I feel about you. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about anyone before.

It’s because you bothered to learn my name and talk to me when I thought nobody else would.

I’ve felt for the longest time empty inside. Like someone ripped out a piece of my heart and it’s trying to find its way back. You have the missing piece. I need you to complete the puzzle. I’m trapped in a maze and you’ve just busted through a wall and showed me the way out. You understand. You’re not like the rest, the ones who come and go and don’t care about the mess they leave behind because nobody cares about anyone when they are done using them. We’re used and thrown away when people get sick of us, but with you I don’t feel like I’m just another piece of trash. I want to reach out and break the constraints holding me and be free. But I need you, so I can have the strength.

I suck when it comes to my emotions. I fall too hard and crack my head and break my bones on the way done… but this time I feel like someone will be catching me. I’ve always loved the idea of love… but this isn’t like normal love. This is the first time I’ve loved someone where I don’t want to hide and act skittish when I’m near you. I want to be myself and nothing but myself because I don’t want to be anyone else when I’m with you. Because you make me feel like it’s okay to be me. Slightly psycho, slightly depressed, slightly insane, slightly everything at once that I’m experiencing vertigo. Spizzernictum means to have the feeling of vigor or vitality. I guess that spizzernicitum explains how I love you. I love you enough to make myself feel more alive. Loving you isn’t a chore like the other times, where I have to constantly tell myself that he’ll change and that he doesn’t do that around other girls, constantly questioning if I’m special or not. With you I feel special. And I love the way you make me feel special.

I saw a shooting star for the first time yesterday. I can’t say what I wished for because then it wouldn’t come true… but I was thinking of you. You were the first thing that popped into my brain. And that’s when I knew. I knew that I was completely and utterly infatuated with you.

Forelsket is described as the euphoria of falling in love. I guess that’s what love is…. the feeling of euphoria. You feel drunk in love, high on some sort prescribed medicine that you slowly become addicted, exposing your deepest secrets that you work so hard to conceal. This is what it’s like to be with you…


1st draft, 15-minute twaddle

Topic: Adventure

 

What is love? Love is the feeling I have right right now in this single split moment. Love is wearing your flannels you gave me and smelling your cologne. Love is the weird feelin I feel in my chest as of now wondering what would happen if we happened? It’s the shy smiles and the ties you cross your eyes trying to look goofy to assume me. It’s the way you sing to me when you are surroneded by people and could instead sing to them. It’s the way you always seem to end up necxt to me when you oculd go next to the other girl. It’s the way you always give me a high five, or a hug, or a fleeting wave, always acknowledge the fact that I am there when no one else notices. It’s the way I just wanna grab your hands and pull you in and scream how much you drive me crazy. I want to dance with you, and laugh with you, and be with you. I want you.

It’s the way I feel that I’m so invested in you that I forgot that I left everyone else behind. No one nows how I feel because first the for the first time I want to keep you mine. I want this to be my secret. You’re to precious to me for me to spoil and tell other people about. I want you all to myself. That’s stupid and I sound selfish but that’s just how I feel about you. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about anyone before. It’s because you bothered to learn my name and talk to me when I felt alone and felt like nobody else would.

I’ve felt for the longest time empty inside. Like someone ripped out a piece of my heart and it’s trying to find its way back and you have the missing piece. I need you to complete the puzzle. I’m trapped in a maze and you’ve just busted through a wall and showed me the way out. You understand. You’re not the rest, the ones who come and go and don’t care aobut the mess they leave behind because nobody cares about anyone when they are done using them. We’re used dand thrown away when people get sick of us, but with you I don’t feel like I’m just another piece of trash. We must chose to reach out and break the holds that constrain us and be free from the misery we indoor.

I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I suck when it comes to my emotions. I fall to hard and crack my head and break my bones on the way done… but this time I feel like someone will be catching me. I ‘ave always loved the idea of love… but this isn’t like normal love. This is the first time I’ve loved someone where I don’t want o hide and act skittish when I’m near you. I want to be myself and nothing but myself because I don’t want to be anyone else when Im with you. Because you make me feel like it’s okay to be me. Slightly psycho, slightly depressed, slightly insane, slightly everything at once that I’m experiencing vertigo. Spizzernictum means to have the feeling of vigor or vialtity. I guess that spizzernicitum explains how I love you. I love you enough to make myself feel more alive. Loving you sins’t a chore like the other times, where I have to constantly tell myself that he’ll change and that he doesn’t do that around other girls, constantly questioning if I’m special or not. With you I feel special. And I love the way you make me feel special.

Forelsket is described as the euphoria of falling in love. I guess that’s how loving is. Loving is the feeling of euphoria. You feel drunk in love, high on some sort prescribed. If this is what it’s like to be with you, then I want you with me all the time.

 

 

 

Erica
16
USA
Germ Magazine guest author
… is a contributing guest author for Germ, which means the following criteria (and then some) have been met: possessor of a fresh, original voice; creator of fresh, original content; genius storyteller; superlative speller; fantastic dancer; expert joke teller; handy with a toolbox; brilliant at parties; loves us as much as we love them.

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