Finding Happiness in Happenstance: The Potential of the Chance Encounter

When you Google “making connections,” one realizes that the Internet is full of top 10 lists and other forms of advice about how to maximize your chances of making friends, being included, and making yourself known to others. It strikes me that a lot of these techniques and ideas have the residue of simply trying too hard. When did being naturally social become so much work? And I’m talking about flesh and bone connections, the face to face deal where you can’t hide behind a screen. Why is it so difficult to make personal connections? Or is it?

One of the traditions of “back to school” is the opportunity to turn over a new leaf. I bet you have heard the phrase, “Step outside your comfort zone!” That’s cool, and some of us might be way into that this year. Go for it and make it happen. Join that club, write for the school newspaper, sing in the choir — whatever you’ve always cast your gaze toward but never actually dared to do. These are great and time honored ways to make new connections. Others among us may not be feeling that energetic or outgoing at the moment. Lucky for the rest of us, there’s more than one way to catch a fish — or make a friend as the case may be.

Happenstance or chance is present everyday in your life, whether you are clued into it or not. The girl assigned to the seat next to you, the new kid in PE, the substitute art teacher, the cousin of your neighbor’s babysitter who comes over every Saturday to walk the dog; open thine eyes, people! There are young men and women waiting to meet you, know you, and befriend you at every turn; and, you don’t have to do a thing but show up for life. That’s right. No extra strategizing required. Just an open, bright heart. Now, I’m not saying everyone you meet will turn out to be your best friend or closest ally, but without being awake to the possibilities in each moment, you’ll never know.

Paying attention is half the battle to being successful in relationships and in life. It’s so easy to turn away and to hurry off in the opposite direction. We don’t want awkward, yet to be awkward is to be human and real. Fate litters our path with potential teachers, guides, and friends, yet we can’t see what is right in front of us when we are on our iPhones constantly. Being open to the happenstance of your life requires little more than your attention. You can’t count on chance, but you can take advantage of chance when it drops something or someone wonderful your way. Don’t be attached to social agendas or peer pressure to conform to someone else’s picture of connection. You might find yourself with a friend from a background much different than your own and with a social life much different than you expected this year. What’s wrong with that? I would contend everything is RIGHT with that, and it’s exciting to boot.

But Rome wasn’t built in a day. Happenstance happens, well, when it happens. So, get out there and be present. Your willingness to participate in this experiment of face to face connection will be evident in your friendly eyes and genuine smile. It will be clear that you have made a decision to live your life open rather than closed. It’s a choice. Stop your addiction to planning every detail (and social media). Go boldly where millions have gone before the age of incessant technology. Follow your gut once in a while, and take a chance, in person. You’ll be glad you did.