I Don’t Want to Feel That Way Again

Dear Little Me,

I know that you have been through difficult situations in life when you were younger. You’ve been humiliated, lost your self-confidence, and even started to think that you are nothing in this world. You are not that pretty as the girl in red lipstick, or as sexy as the girl in a dress and stilettos. You are not as good a dancer as your cousins and can’t even deliver a single declamation piece like your sister does. You even lose your streak in being top of the class. What made you that way? Why are you hiding yourself in that dark little room while everyone else is enjoying the sumptuous food Grandma prepared? Why didn’t you join the literary contest in school? Why did you lose your rank in the class? What happened to the jolly little girl who used to laugh a lot? You think you are nothing but a skinny, dark, and ugly girl who excels only in hiding your inner self. Yeah, you’ve been good at some point. Good at pretending you’re okay when you’re totally not. Good in faking a smile when you are supposed to be crying. Making a façade of a clown doesn’t help to make you okay. You should be crying and wailing and shouting at the things that make you sad and angry. You know, those things help in releasing your anger and frustrations.

Keeping the things that hurt you isn’t helpful at all. Hiding is not always the best solution. Running away from problems will just haunt you every day. It will just make your life miserable. Let me tell you one of the best quotes I have read: “A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear that results from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.” — Stephan Hoeller.

So if you feel that someone had severely punctured your heart and mind during your childhood, just remember that you are a treasure that has been wounded in order for them to see your true value.

Samantha Libo-on Sotocinal
Samantha is a frustrated artist. She loves to collect and read books, and she is also fond of writing poems. Traveling around the world is one of her greatest dreams.

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1 COMMENT

  1. I’ve read many posts on this website- a lot of the lettres, a couple wanderings, and I’ve even skimmed through the “Before I Die” column. But for some reason, I keep coming back to your letter. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it– it’s been keeping me up at night. I think you just managed to articulate every feeling I’ve been having for the past six months in a way I never knew how to. I’ve been stuck on this one sentence you wrote– “Making a facade of a clown doesn’t help to make you okay”. I agree. I know just about everyone in the entire world will agree, but I feel it. I feel your words resonating in my soul. I know this is probably a weird comment to get and I doubt that you’ll even see it, but I think maybe you need to hear it. Or not. I can’t say; I don’t know you. But I think that I’d like to.

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