Lost and Found by Alyssa Ahle

The following scene is an excerpt from the play Lost and Found by Alyssa Ahle.
UNREQUITED LOVE: A young woman who carts around her old crushes in a wagon. 
SIMON: The young man currently situated in Unrequited Love’s wagon. Provides comic relief. 
LOST: A young man who attends group therapy with Unrequited Love. 

Act I, Scene 5

(Unrequited Love and Lost are sitting at the restaurant bar on bar stools. Simon is parked alongside them in his wagon, amusing himself with a Rubik’s cube or flipping through an adult magazine. A bartender is serving Lost and Unrequited Love drinks.)

…………………………………………………….BARTENDER
…………..(Hands drink to Unrequited Love.)
Jameson on the rocks for the lady.
…………..(Hands drink to Lost.)
Gin and Tonic for the gentleman.
…………..(Hands a very large drink to Simon.)
And an extra large Cosmopolitan for the baggage.
…………..(Exits before Lost or Unrequited Love can respond.)

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
…………..(Stirs her drink. Clears throat.)
So, what do you do for a living?

………………………………………………………….LOST
I’m a biomedical engineer.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
I’m gonna pretend I know what that means.

………………………………………………………….LOST
Um, it just means that I design artificial hearts and pacemakers for people.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Oh. So you save lives.

………………………………………………………….LOST
Not really. I just design stuff.

(They each take a sip of their drinks. Lost laughs slightly.)

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
What’s so funny?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Nothing, it’s just…this is the longest conversation I’ve had in weeks.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Uh oh, now the pressure’s on.

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Laughs nervously.)
Sorry. Um…so, do you think you’ll find someone for a second date soon?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
I may have found someone, but…
…………..(Simon burps. Loudly. She indicates to Simon.)
I have some baggage I guess.

………………………………………………………….LOST
Well, at least yours is obvious. I mean, with most people it takes a few months for them to show any signs of craziness, but you just have it right there in front for all to see, and they know going in that you’re…
…………..(Unrequited Love looks at him. He clears his throat.)
So, do you like this someone?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Yeah. I think so. We work at the same design company. He’s even come close to asking me out a couple times, but for some reason didn’t.
…………..(Looks at Simon.)
Maybe he thinks I’m too conspicuous.

………………………………………………………….LOST
What do you like about him?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
His heart.

………………………………………………………….LOST
I mean on the outside, like personality-wise. Something you can see.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
But I do see. It’s easy to see love in a person’s heart.
…………..(Beat. Lost looks confused.)
What? Can’t you see it?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Love? No not really. I have trouble understanding that word or anything associated with it.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Oh.

(Simon snaps his fingers. Unrequited Love and Lost immediately freeze onstage.)

…………………………………………………………SIMON
…………..(Speaks in an aside to the audience.)
Sorry, I know I’m not supposed to interrupt, but I just need a break. And by break, I mean a drink.
…………..(Takes a sip from his glass and stretches out. He can get up and strut about the stage.)
Honestly, I wasn’t trained as a professional model or anything, and sitting still for so long is no piece of cake. I mean, I guess I’m okay with being towed around all day and all night. It’s only for one day of the week. And Mondays are never fun to be at work anyway, so I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, but I do miss my girlfriend. We just moved in together, you know? And she doesn’t exactly understand the whole need to be gone on Mondays to exist as a metaphorical symbol of past pining for an old acquaintance. Man, this is good.
…………..(Successfully drains his entire drink.)
I hope they serve these during intermission.

(Simon holds his empty drink up high and snaps his fingers. The other characters unfreeze. The Bartender suddenly reappears.)

…………………………………………………….BARTENDER
Refill?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
…………..(Looks at her and Lost’s full glasses.)
Oh, no thank you, I think we’re…

…………………………………………………….BARTENDER
…………..(Indicates towards Simon, who is holding up his giant empty glass.)
Girly drink number two.
…………..(Refills Simon’s drink, then exits.)

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Indicates to Unrequited Love’s coat, which she still has on.)
Aren’t you warm?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Nope, I’m good.
…………..(Indicates to Lost’s coat, which he still has on.)
Are you warm?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Not yet.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
So… do you have anyone in mind for a second date? Or even a first date, I guess…

………………………………………………………….LOST
Not at the moment. But even if I did, flirting isn’t really my strong suit.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Well, then we must remedy that.
…………..(Picks up her drink to take a sip.)
Okay, pretend I’m a single female sitting next to you at a bar.

………………………………………………………….LOST
Well, technically you are a single female sitting next to me at a bar…

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Look, you see me, a lonely girl having a drink. What do you do?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Avoid eye contact at all costs?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Oh come on, don’t you ever randomly flirt and find yourself falling in love with attractive young women?

………………………………………………………….LOST
I’ve forgotten how.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
How peculiar.

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Struggles, trying to find the right words.)
No… I mean, I did once, but I’ve forgotten most things about love, I guess. It just comes with the territory of losing your heart.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Wait.
…………..(Beat.)
You lost your heart?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Yeah, um… I lost my heart about a year ago. Filed a police report and everything, but they haven’t had any luck finding it.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
But without a heart, how can you—

………………………………………………………….LOST
Love? I can’t.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Can you remember what love feels like?

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Shrugs.)
Vaguely, but for the most part I don’t remember much about it. Like when couples hold hands, I don’t understand why they do that.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Must make for some lonely nights.

(They sit and swirl their drinks without taking sips. Simon leans forward and snaps his fingers. Lost and Unrequited Love freeze.)

…………………………………………………………SIMON
…………..(Addresses the audience. Still has the option of getting up out of the
…………..wagon and strutting about the stage.)
And another thing… I don’t mind the wagon that much, but I just wish it was a little bigger, you know? I don’t know if you can see from the back row, but there’s not a lot of legroom here. I mean, why can’t she put in a bar or a bidet or something? And is it just me, or does our bartender sound a lot like Dr. Adams? Almost like we couldn’t afford another actor to play the role.
…………..(Relieved sigh.)
Wow that felt good to get off my chest. I should do this more often. Man, I’m going to need another refill soon.
…………..(Manages to drain his whole glass.)
Okay, I’m good. I’m good. Now back to the show. Oh, and don’t do drugs.

(Simon snaps his fingers. The other characters onstage unfreeze. As if on cue, the Bartender reappears again.)

…………………………………………………….BARTENDER
Another refill for the hard-drinking metaphor.

(They all look to Simon, who is holding up his large empty glass again. Bartender refills his drink and exits.)

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Do you miss it? Your heart?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Every day. I had trouble dating before I lost it. Now it just makes it worse.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
So where’d you lose it?

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Not the best liar.)
I don’t know.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
How bout when?

………………………………………………………….LOST
I’d rather not talk about it.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
You’re not gonna get any closer to finding your heart until you figure out the who, what, when, where, and why.

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Softly.)
December twenty-third.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
What?

………………………………………………………….LOST
December twenty-third. My girlfriend…she broke up with me in a text message while I was driving. When I saw the text, I lost control and crashed into a tree. I remember waking up in the hospital and feeling this emptiness inside of me, and then I realized that I’d lost my heart in the accident.
…………..(Realizes he’s probably said too much.)
Sorry, I didn’t mean to pile all that on you like that. We do enough to each other in group therapy. I can just hear Dr. Adams ask, “And how do you feel about that, Lost?”

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
…………..(Sarcastically.)
And how DO you feel about that, Lost?

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Laughs.)
To be honest, it actually feels good to confide in someone.

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
So, tell me. Where is this tree? They always say look in the last place first.

………………………………………………………….LOST
Look for what?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Your heart…. Where did you say the accident was?

………………………………………………………….LOST
Oh, on some residential street near her house. It’s actually about a twenty-minute drive from here.
…………..(Unrequited Love stands up, grabbing her things.)
Are you leaving?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Yeah. If we’re going to find your heart, we’d better get going.

………………………………………………………….LOST
…………..(Shocked.)
What? You really want to help me find…?

………………………………………………..UNREQUITED LOVE
Yes, of course. Let’s go.

(The Bartender enters and starts to clean up the bar. Lost takes out money from his wallet and leaves it on the bar counter to pay for the drinks. Simon, on the other hand, flings monopoly money into the air, making it rain.)

…………………………………………………….BARTENDER
…………..(Picks up all the monopoly money.)
Mondays…

(Unrequited Love pulls the wagon away from the bar while Lost pushes it from behind. They exit offstage.)

 

 

 

Alyssa Ahle is a playwright and author from Southern California. She graduated from Chapman University and is currently pursuing a Master’s degree. As a writer, she aspires to draw attention to the overlooked beauty and humor of life. She has an affinity for rainy days, trilby hats, and Audrey Hepburn movies.

Germ Magazine guest author
… is a contributing guest author for Germ, which means the following criteria (and then some) have been met: possessor of a fresh, original voice; creator of fresh, original content; genius storyteller; superlative speller; fantastic dancer; expert joke teller; handy with a toolbox; brilliant at parties; loves us as much as we love them.

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