On Writing Again


When it eats you up slowly, it’s as if the first things to go are your brain and the ideas and the wonderful thoughts. It is then replaced by harrowing images of things you’re trying to get away from, reminding you everyday that you’re a person incapable of providing sense and meaningful prose to the world.

Depression, everybody.

It’s hard to stare at a computer screen and then think, “What am I really going to write?” With the depression that sent me into a swerving hellhole, my ideas seemed like a figment of nothing. I was lost, and no matter how much I tried to urge myself to type or even to write on a piece of paper, I was bound by this fear of what my thoughts would actually say once I brought them out for the world to see.

For two months, I was like a sack of potatoes, languishing in self-loathing and fear and anguish. People who didn’t understand what I was going through didn’t care, and I shunned the people who were capable of helping me. In the past, if I fell into my despair, I’d always coped by writing my feelings, but that got taken away from me too. All the will and force I had were bottled up.

When I did decide to get some help, at least through some friends and family, I suddenly thought it was probably time to get back into what I loved to do. I was still scared that I would be bound by the things that haunted me for that part of my life, that I wish I can just forget, but slowly I’m building up my courage. Slowly.

I still didn’t know exactly what to write about. Yes, I got back into blogging again, but it was different when it came to writing something literary, like a short story. My mind was still zipped up. I’m glad, however, that my Germ family is here for me. After seeing January’s Writing Challenge theme, it was as if a ray of light burst into my room, and I said, “I’m going to write again.”

I truly missed that feeling, and I am glad I have it back.


Jayvee De Castro is a misfit. There is no denying that. She shares her love of books and her quirks as a misfit on her book blog, Writer For Misfits and is also a huge anime nerd. Ask her anything anime from time to time. She has intense frustrations of learning to play the piano, the drums and the violin, but to no avail. She also dreams about becoming a writer who will inspire young kids to read and write. She doesn’t know what fun and pains life has in store for her, but she’s taking it one step at a time, with a pen in hand, stacks of journals, books, her laptop and 3 bags of marshmallows for sustenance. She also stares at Kylo Ren/ Adam Drive photos on Tumblr and is insanely dedicated to Star Wars. She also likes to dream of Min Yoongi of BTS. Talk to her on Twitter @jayvwrites27 coz she actually needs friends.


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